Farmville is her only friend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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