So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
