we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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