So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
