I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
