using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
