i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
