You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
