Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Fuck appropriateness.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
