So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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