And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My ass is underappreciated
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
