I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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