I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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