Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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