We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
