About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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