im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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