i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
