we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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