Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
two words: eviction party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
