Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
