Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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