The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
