I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
