Non-Jews are for practice
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This house was built for laser tag.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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