you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
we're so committed to being not committed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
