I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
