Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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