we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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