When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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