Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
