I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
