The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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