when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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