Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize