Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.