Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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