YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
