so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
