Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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