Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drake has all the answers
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
