College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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