I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was confusing and full of hummus
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
