She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
