Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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