apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
