Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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