Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
