I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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