Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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