i already hear my dad disowning me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
