i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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