Please, let me fuck your mom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
