Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
