Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
