you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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