sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
