Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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