im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
