oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
