So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
